Weave in, eyelashes on, its baby time!

I remember telling my mom at 13 that I was never getting married and I was certainly never having kids.  I was moving to Los Angeles and becoming famous.

Well I moved to LA at the age of 22.  Lived the life I thought I always would.  Even though I never became ” famous” in my mind I was always Beyoncé.  Always fabulous and never caught in the same outfit twice- even though I was just waiting tables and doing makeup on the side.

fast forward-

Here I am married over a year and living in Newmanstown. NEWMANSTOWN, who would of thought? Certainly not my 13 year old self. Lets not forget to add not only am I now married and living in a town I never knew existed, I have a 9 week old baby girl.  The sweetest, daintiest, most beautiful little girl.

Now let me start off my telling you that I HATED being pregnant. I was the most miserable version of myself. I’m surprised I made it through 9 months without being served divorce papers.

For weeks leading up to my scheduled D-Day I thought that heading to labor and delivery was nothing short of a Miss America Pageant. Weave in, eyelashes on, full face of makeup. Of course I would contour my face more than Kim Kardashian- I wanted to look fabulous for pictures. After all I thought I was Beyoncé, the Lebanon County version that is- or so I thought.

Madi was born on the coldest day of the year via C- section.  I requested a C-section because 7 years ago I was in a car accident and fractured my left hip. I didn’t think that pushing out what I told was going to be a 13 pound baby out of something the size of a pin hole was something my left hip could take. Mostly I just didn’t want to sweat. I hate to sweat.

My mom bought my husband and I “thing mom,thing dad” t-shirts to wear to the hospital and Madi had a “thing one” shirt so we could take that super cute first family photo. Little did I know that super cute first family photo was never going to happen.

The day of my scheduled c- section I woke up and did everything like I had planned. I had rollers in and I was doing my makeup as Kyle loaded the car with literally 8 bags worth of stuff I just knew I would need for my hospital stay.  Except for the car seat. That didn’t fit. I guess we thought we would strap Madi to the roof on the way home.

Come 10am we are getting ready to head out to the hospital. She was scheduled to come at 1pm that afternoon. We realize its 10am and my mom hasn’t called at least 6 times by now. OH wait, I spoke too soon. walking out the door my phone rings. It’s my mom. She’s freaking out, I’m freaking out, HELLO IM ABOUT TO GO HAVE A HUMAN BEING CUT OUT of somewhere between my belly button and my lady parts!!! I honestly wasn’t quite sure where she was coming from at this point.

Ten minuets from the hospital I start having contractions. Serious contractions!! Five minuets apart then three.  No way is this happening.

Kyle and I get to the hospital leaving our 8 bags in the car and I waddled behind my husband to labor and delivery. We then find out that I am having contractions because I have been cut off from water the night before and that is causing them and as soon as I get hooked up to fluids they should stop, and they did.

I get to the prep room and I am told to strip down and put on this ugly green smock that looks like something that escaped from the 80’s.I get asked a bunch of questions and get hooked up to a bunch of stuff I’m not really sure of.  Emergency c- section coming though I’m now pushed back  and we aren’t sure til when.  Kyle was given a paper outfit to change into for the time being and I’m given a mesh hat that does nothing for my hair or face shape.

All of the sudden the nurse walks in and its go time. Now, I thought I would be pushed in on some sort of a wheelchair or some nice big velvet thrown. No, they made me walk.  HELLO!? Do you not know who I am? I’m the Beyoncé of Newmanstown!

I walk in they give me this shot that makes my whole body feel like Gumby.  Once I’m strapped to the table and I’m cut open they bring in Kyle in the room in that sexy paper suite that makes him look like Jay-Z. At this point I’m so nervous I’m catching up the doctor on last weeks Real Housewives episode because I guess he missed I, but it passed the time. All of the sudden Dr. Fieo yells “Kyle get your phone your going to want to get a picture of this!”  … and Madilyn Marie Foore was born at 1.57pm on February 17th, 2015.

On February 17, 2015 at 1.57pm I cried. I cried my eyes out. My mascara ran and my hair was a disaster, and for the first time in my life- I didn’t care.

but no pictures, please.