How the heck does she do that?

With the world wide watch coming to an end, the Duchess of Cambridge has welcomed a beautiful baby girl into the world.

Even more stunning, is Kate Middleton, wearing heels and a beautiful yellow and white floral dress and it got me thinking, how in the HECK did she manage that one? I am sure shes got an amazing glam squad ready to go at any moment, BUT she literally just pushed an 8 pound human being out from her vagina and a hour later she looks like she just spent all day at the spa and was given the baby as a thank you gift.

When I packed for my hospital stay to deliver my first, Madilyn, I packed my bags like I was the Queen of everything.  However when two nurses had to help me get up to wabble to the bathroom with a maxi pad the size of a crib mattress, I knew that dream of eye lashes, fresh make up and perfectly curled hair, WAS OVER.

Oh, and lets not forget those oh so attractive mesh panties that any woman whos ever given birth knows about.

Let me tell you, as a professional makeup artist, there is NO WAY I or any makeup artist on the planet could make me look even half presentable 8 hours after giving birth.  Not even 6 pairs of spanx some heavy spackle and an animal sacrifice.  It just isnt going to happen.

8 hours after my C- section I was still trying to sit up without screaming bloody murder.

Pooping? I dont even want to go there.

Getting up and going to the bathroom took some serious planning, time and effort of both my husband and I.  The people who told me the swelling would go down after Madi came were freaking liars.  I was more swollen after Madi came out than before i even went in to the hospital.  I could of been the next TLC “My 600 pound life” episode. Heels? NO FREAKING WAY.

Sure, everyone talks about the new mothers glow, but I looked like the swamp thing. I smelled like I’ve had my period for the last 9 months and sour milk, my hair could of filled a can of WD-40 with all the greasy nastiness. For crying out loud I could hardly make it to the bathroom to pee let alone make it to the shower. I didnt shower for almost 2 weeks after Madi was born and only because my husband forced me into one. Oh and I my 4 day hospital stay looking like the doctor stitched me up with my baby still inside me,.

Kate looks like shes ready to pose for the cover of better homes and gardens or attend a local charity event. I don’t look that good even on a planned date night.

As wonderful as it sounds to have a glam squad on deck swarming her right after giving birth, I have to wonder if its really as glamorous as she looks. No matter how good the drugs she may be on, I have no doubt that Kate is standing there swollen achy, saddled with a diaper with wings between her legs, a peri bottle and those sexy mesh panties hidden in the bottom of her purse. Shes probably wishing she was already home snuggling her new baby girl with Prince George excited to get to know his new sister.

Anywho, Congrats to the royal family!